Some of Us!
Little did Sid know that it gets super busy on a Friday evening at Sangeetha, especially a well lit open Veena hall on the second floor of the restaurant. Don't we all know that even nanoseconds feels like light years waiting out for something to happen. Sid was asked to wait outside on his early arrival, all he could do is stare at the busy and foggy October night of Adyar from a window sill witnessing passengers getting off from the flying train at Madya Kailash. Not just the train swept away but also his thoughts hovering over the conversation with that person on the dating app. Sid took all the courage to get on to the app, being very timid and tender out in his heart, but by the looks - his dusky 6 feet tall stature and well built body, one could hardly guess. The melancholy on the air pods with AR Rahman's music singing Usure Poguthey, Sid felt it was real and hard to wait. He buried his stubble rich cheeks in the support of his palms resting his elbow on the space on the window sill running his thoughts back to that day. 'Varun, you can call me V' he said but Sid wanted to stay anonymous and discreet and Varun was okay with it. Never did Sid want to see the picture of Varun but the conversations went burning all the midnight oil till Varun's phone was running out of battery. The parting was hard for that night but all things must come to an end and Sid woke up early the next day waiting for Varun's text, we could all relate! The notifications on his iPhone showed up at around noon. Sid's eyes popped big like a baby rooting eyes on a candy, his heart pumping on tachycardia. The feeling was perplexing for someone who has been very confused of his sexuality right from his teen, when he developed a bit of feeling for a boy in his class. Talking and being around boys made him feel more secure and gave him more comfort. A month slid by and finally Sid picked up all the courage to ask for Varun's phone number.
Exchanging numbers, yet another night for a Sangeetha Swarangal1 song to be playing in the background for the entire night. Sid found out that Varun is out of a toxic relationship which he was clinging on for a couple of years and definitely looking for something more positive and meaningful. One fine day, when they were about to hang up, "Sid, Can we go out for dinner next Friday?" Jeepers! Sid was baffled by the question, followed by a long silence. He has never been asked out in his 24 years of existence nor talked to a boy and come out with Pride. His mind was painting a rainbow and he felt a surge and shower of Serotonin and Oxytocin bringing him the exact verses "nee thaane mazhai megam enakku, en hormore nadhiyil vella perukku2" suddenly interrupted by "Enna Sid irukiya, naan edhachum thappa kettutena3". Felt like waking up from a dream of inceptions by Nolan, Sid couldnt realize if he was still in a dream of thoughts. Whatever it maybe, he didnt want this to end, he wanted this to last longer, the feeling of ecstasy, infinite orgasms, wont we all need it! With a lot of self doubt, Sid said "YES". A scream of joy from the Veena Hall distracted Sid from his deep train of thoughts, it was the finals of IPL getting screened in a big wall, a battle between CSK and KKR, the scream was for the entry of Master Blaster "Thala4".
Sid stared at his watch and it was 8:30 PM and he has been waiting for more than 45 minutes for an 8 PM reservation, too confused to make a call to Varun. Picking up more courage, he pressed the Varun's name on his Favorites and to his shock, the phone was switched off. It felt like the whole roof was crashing down on him, getting turned down on the first date. He couldnt know how to react being stood up which he has watched in movies and read in all the novels and he's one avid reader of Sujatha5. Sid felt like tearing off his tee, but again tried calling Varun getting an IVR response made him feel to trash the phone away. Too many thoughts ran on his head this time like a mad horse without an eye blinder. Sid has been battling already on his head, fighting the fight daily acting straight outside and being queer inside. The applause and the scream of CSK winning the IPL cup 5th time did not even shake him a bit and Sid tried to calm down with a heave of breath through his black colored mask. His eyes were brimming, doubting the society and the future of queer people in this country. Even with the decriminalization of the draconian law of IPC 377, would there even be a gay marriage, which is path towards other rights and lead to social and legal recognition. Sid felt like his entire life was crashing and burning down like the hospital in the Dark Knight movie. "Won't people be nice", his thoughts being distracted by a gush of people opening up Veena hall's door heading out home, staring at the boy in his twenties waiting for his date.
Sid was horrified by a thought that the entire world is moving away from him bringing him the usual feel of loneliness and solitude. Sid for a moment was like Willaim Wordsworth carrying the song of the Solitary Reaper on the top of the mountain "Some Natural sorrow, loss or pain, that has been and may be again. Somewhere in the distance there was this calling "thambi, thambi, yaarukkachum wait panreengala6" distracting Sid from his world burning to ashes. It was the person who takes care of cleaning the restaurant hall and to his call Sid responds "Inimae illa anna7" and rushes through the flight of stairs and disappears from the spot. He did stride through the stair case making huge steps with anger and distrust, his blood gushing through the veins and one could see his heart thumping through his tee. When he hit the ground floor and was about to exit the restaurant, he stumbled upon another guys chest wearing a maroon Gryffindor T shirt who held Sid from falling.
Varun and Sid fixed on wearing the same Gryffindor T shirt with a Harry Potter's forehead scar on it. He was holding a bunch of red roses in his hand, brown eyes, a tall handsome hunk, dusky and well built with a glowing eye full of plead. He had a paper written "Sorry" and stood there like a chauffeur waiting for the guest at the airport lobby. Sid stood there in shock not knowing how to react, they stood staring into each other for a few seconds. It felt like an entire yuga8 and the Universe has stopped staring at these two people. Sid burst into tears screaming out loud, it was a cry of joy, the tears of happiness flowing through his face. Aren't we all a baby and vulnerable in front of the people we like. Sid didn't want to act strong, he wanted to be himself, he did not care and Varun came down hugging Sid to calm him down, handing him the roses. There was not just roses but a Sujatha winking through his book "En Iniya Iyanthira9", one of Sid's favorites. Varun showed his dead phone and Sid held his hand dragging him up stairs for the Veena Hall and the interlude of Veena playing followed by Vidyasagar's10 "paadhi jeevan kondu thegam vazhndhu vandhadho11".
The rest is history!
P.S. : Some of us had been stood up on a date or ghosted after a date but wont all of us want a little magic like above to happen in our life. Hope it does happen some day, one day! :)
References & Translations
2- You're the cloud for me, my hormone river is flooding
3- Sid are you there, did I ask anything wrong?
4- Dhoni is referred to as Thala, referring to head or leader
6- Bro, are you waiting for someone
7- Not anymore brother
11- Was my body was living with half the soul
Comments
Post a Comment